This man has been a notorious, professional burglar from the moment he dropped out of high school. He has been in and out of prison for similar crimes, and now he stands before you because he was caught red-handed. He broke into a house while the residents were asleep upstairs, took off with their big-screen TV, which he dropped in the backyard when he heard the police sirens. The officers arrested him as he was climbing over the fence in an attempt to flee the scene of the crime.
Really? What crime? And how can the prosecution possibly talk about my client being caught red-handed? He was literally empty-handed when he was arrested. There was no TV or anything else in his hands. There is absolutely no evidence whatsoever to suggest that my client is a burglar or that he broke into a house to steal a big-screen TV. When the police arrested my client, he was leaving the premises of the house in question without the TV. He had left it in the backyard. It never left the premises! Therefore no crime was committed. Furthermore, while this so-called crime was taking place, the residents of the house in question were fast asleep! They never knew they were being burglarized. They weren’t aware of any theft of their TV, and indeed, their TV wasn’t stolen; it was right there in their own backyard. It’s preposterous to speak of a crime when the supposed victims aren’t even aware of it, when they are, in fact, not victims at all. Your honor, my client has been hounded by the police ever since he dropped out of high school. Enough is enough. This is a witch hunt and it’s got to stop!